A conversation with the author and her Ego
Don’t pretend you don’t talk to yourself as well
Currently: on hold to HMRC to talk about the Self Assessment Tax I owe
Reading: Possibility by Sareeta Domingo
Watching: The Manhattan Alien Abduction on Netflix and I have not a clue what is going on…
Listening: Streatham by Dave on repeat, which reminds me of driving up and down the A23 to HMP Ford in my white Vauxhall Astra
Thinking: about selling half my wardrobe on Vinted because money haffi mek
Are you ready?
No.
Why? You literally do this all the time in the shower – what’s the difference?
There’s a difference between acting out my delusions of grandeur in the privacy of my own bathroom versus acting it out front of an audience.
How many people do you think will read this anyway?
That’s not the right question to ask.
This is the perfect opportunity for you to deliver all those witty one liners and deep contemplations that you are always cooking up in your 40 degree shower.
After doing some intensive ego work dealing with said delusions of grandeur, it’s kinda harder to do all of that now.
So talk to us about the ego work.
Wouldn’t that defeat the whole point of doing the work?
Very self-aware!
My last counsellor said that I would make a good therapist because I had a high level of self awareness.
Would you ever be a counsellor?
Maybe in a different life… Actually, no. I think it would actually drive me crazy. I generally get too entangled in other people’s emotions anyway, so I think I would be constantly reliving my clients’ traumas. I can barely deal with my own embarrassing, cringe memories, let alone the deep trauma of like, I don’t know, 15, 20 patients? It would just be a disaster.
What does an alternative life for Jendella look like?
There is a version of Jendella who is someone’s rich auntie who just imports the finest lace, voile, like all of those rich fabrics for traditional weddings or 50th birthday parties. Her whole business is just providing fabrics and jewellery and ‘shoe-and-bag’ for the most discerning African woman. No children, no husband, I’ll just be travelling all the time and there’d be a string of rumours splashed across the gossip blogs. I would be that single fly auntie everyone is jealous of but everyone wants to be friends with. That would be me.
Interesting… there is actually a lot to unpack there in terms of like–
Yeah, yeah, I know, but you are not my therapist.
Fair. Maybe we should talk about the writing now because you know the paperback for your second novel is going to be released in a few months.
What’s there to talk about? No, let me not do that. There’s a lot to talk about. You know what it is? It’s like I’m always living ahead, so I am excited for the paperback for All That We’ve Got to come out because again it’s another opportunity to talk about this book that means so much to me, that I have shed tears over, but at the same time I’m working on my third novel which I’m really deeply, deeply entangled in. It’s kind of like I’m a split between two worlds at the moment.
What is the emotional state that you are currently living in?
I’m living in a state of quiet excitement. Yeah, like there’s some exciting things happening in my brain. I’m just back to being excited. I’m excited to get out there and start talking about All That We’ve Got again because when the hardback came out I was not in a very good place emotionally. It’s funny ‘cause at the time I wouldn’t have said that, but like looking back now from this position in history I can definitely see that I wasn’t in a good place emotionally.
I feel like I’m ready to really talk about it. I just genuinely love writing. Even when I’m in my feelings about just how ridiculous this publishing industry is, the politics, the business of it, I just love writing so much. I’m back to that level of just childlike excitement about creating this world and inviting people into this world.
That’s cute. I’m gonna ask you a question that I know you don’t have the answer to yet but because you ask other authors this question all the time it only seems fair: who or what do you think your work is in conversation with?
Well, it’s interesting because I think you kind of have to think what’s the level of conversation? Because I feel like there’s different elements that can speak to other elements from other books…
So, actually, one reader objected to the portrayal of the young men in the book and they said that it was quite stereotypical, of course I disagree, but she said that if you want to read about this world from the male point of view you should read An Olive Grove In Ends by Moses McKenzie, and I agree, I think that is actually a good book to read a male perspective on certain elements of the book so fine go with that, but actually there’s another book that I read recently that I feel like All That We’ve Got is in conversation with because basically…
It was called Caledonian Road by Andrew O’Hagan and it’s a book that’s set in modern day London and black women are completely absent. The only black female character is dead before the book starts. I found that so fascinating that in 2024 you can write a book about modern London with sixty-odd characters and black women are completely absent so even though All That We’ve Got is not set in London I feel like it’s still about modern Britain so in a certain way I feel like it could be in conversation with that book because I was very particular about centring young black women in the narrative in a way that I don’t often see young black women centred in certain stories. We are often like the collateral damage or side stories in this thing, so yeah, in a weird way maybe All That We’ve Got is in conversation with Caledonian Road in what is absent and what is present.
Wait, so how did you come across that other review? Because you don’t read reviews.
I don’t read reviews unless I’m tagged in reviews because I feel like it’s a common courtesy. If you are posting about my book and you tag me, like of course I’m gonna read, but it was a review from someone who wasn’t a fan. I think that was the first time I was tagged in a review that was less than positive and the second time was actually more recently.
I wasn’t meant to be on socials and I think I went on there to get something from my DMs and then I saw my notifications, because of course I’m gonna look at my notifications, and I saw that I was tagged in a review and it was for Hope & Glory and it was two stars. I think I just said, ‘Oh well, you know, thanks for reading!’ which I think speaks to the work on my ego that I’ve been doing because as much as in the moment I was like ‘why did they tag me in this review???’ it didn’t keep me up at night. I think if I hadn’t have spent all this time dealing with my inner gremlins the comment would’ve been eating away at me for like 40 days and 40 nights, so the fact I can just kinda be like ‘Oh, I wish they had not tagged me in that…’ and just leave it at that, I think it shows…
Growth?
Look at you, finishing my sentences. It’s almost like you can read my mind or something.
